So like I’m in excruciating pain and Jacob is the only person who’s talking to me and I want to punch everyone and I can’t stop crying because I hate everything and I feel like I’m dying and the sad part is that this all happened because the floor was wet in my bathroom and I tripped over a fan like really bye
I feel so… not alone but, I guess I’m just a little hurt. Never have I ever let someone impact my life as much as I’ve let him. It’s always been hard for me to let people bring me down. But the person I love the most is doing just that lately. I know he’s not doing it intentionally, he’s not that kind of person. He’s amazing and can be really sweet, but he isn’t often sweet to me because he doesn’t want me to get the wrong idea, that’s just my guess. It’s not the fact that he isn’t mine, it’s the fact that I feel like we’re becoming so distant, we don’t talk very much, we’re not close anymore. He’s honestly the person who knows me the most because I have never told anyone as much as I’ve told him.
I feel like it’s easy for everyone to fuck me over or treat me the wrong way or get away with fooling me into thinking they’re not doing anything wrong or anything to hurt me when they know they are. I let everyone get away with it, even though I know that they’re doing it. I’m too sweet I guess, not even sweet. I just don’t want to get hurt so I act like it’s not happening and I just don’t want to start an argument, though I do quite often. I know it’s wrong and stupid but I can’t help it, everything builds up and I can’t take it.
Well this is it. I have to give up because my best isn’t good enough for you and you deserve much better. I’m sorry I’ve wasted all of your time with all of my complaining. You don’t ever have to worry about me bothering you ever again, so go find a girl that can make you happy and you want to spend time with, but I hope you know that no one in the world will love you as much as I do. I wish things could have gone differently, but you obviously don’t want anything to do with me anymore.
I could never picture anyone wanting to spend the rest of their lives with me, or even wanting to be in a relationship with me for that fact. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m a good person, I have good traits & I have no problem with the way I look. But I would never want to put anyone through the torture of dealing with me. I push people away, I’m negative, I need constant attention, I get jealous (literally the most jealous person on earth & then I go crazy & it ruins my day, it’s not cute), I overreact, I’m dramatic, I’m over emotional, I’m way too sensitive & rude at times. I feel like I need/want too much & I just don’t want anyone to have to deal with that because no one deserves to have to go through that much trouble just to be with me. Yes, the littlest tiny comments or actions just make my day & I say sweet things as well but I don’t think that’d be enough for someone. Someday, I will get the relationship where the person actually wants to deal with me & make me happy. We’ll have sleepover’s, cuddle all night & I’ll cook for him. I just don’t see that happening anytime soon though because all I do is push people away. But I’m happy in the meantime.
I cannot fucking stand it when girls change themselves for guys. Like, change their style and do everything they think they want just so they have a chance of being with them. It’s so awful, like if the guy doesn’t like you for you then stop there because anyone smart would rather wait for someone that thinks that they’re perfect the way they are and wouldn’t want them to change.
